Out of My Control
by Jana Kennedy-Spicer on May 14th, 2015



​‘Now’ is such a very small window of time, a moment, a second, a single breath. By the time we exhale into the now, the moment we inhaled is a then.
 
And that is just how quick our plans and dreams of tomorrow can turn into dust. We live within this self-created illusion that we are in control, that we can plan and orchestrate and manipulate and order everything just the way we like.
 
Maybe it works for a time; but then there’s that moment. That uncontrolled moment that occurs in the middle of our big plan. That moment when we inhale from one world and exhale into another.

 

The Moment

​My knees gave way and somehow I landed on the bed. The implosion shook me to the core, although I knew the neighbors heard nothing, felt nothing. They didn’t know, couldn’t see... how could they hear the sound of my family’s life imploding?
 
For a long time after, I searched for the right word to describe what happened, implode, that was it.
implode: to collapse inward in a very sudden and violent way
                           :  to break down or fall apart from within
 
You’ve probably watched video coverage of a building being imploded. Charges are set from within then at a very precise moment a button is pushed; and in the amount of time it takes to exhale a single breath, what was once a valuable, strong edifice occupied with life and purpose and meaning becomes just a pile of lifeless useless dirty ugly rubble to be swept up and thrown away.
 
Implode. Yes, we imploded.
 
In control?  I was just trying to gasp for another breath. I was trying to force my heart to keep beating.
 
Oh Lord! Oh Lord!  Yes child, I am here
 
Oh Lord! What do I do?  Trust Me. Follow Me. I am in control.

 

The Struggle

​“Don't be afraid, for I am with you. Don't be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.”  
Isaiah 41:10
​So, so many more times that conversation would be repeated. Each time with the same answer. Trust me. Follow me. I am in control. 
 
The friends and family departure.  I am here child.
The relocation.  Follow Me.
The job loss.  I will provide.
The prodigal children.  I will protect them.
The broken hearts.  I will heal you all.
 
Every day, every time I reached out through the dust and the smoke He was there; each time leading me through the scriptures, each time giving me hope and reassurance.  Trust me. Follow me. I am in control.
 
Even in those times when I was impatient, when I tried to take control, when I wanted things to be resolved my way. Even when I didn’t trust, when I didn’t follow, when my actions only stirred up more dust and interfered with His work. Even then, or maybe especially then, God was there, He never left, He never stopped working. 
​In the midst of the storm, God is working. He is healing. He is cleaning. He is protecting. He is loving. He is delivering. 
 


​The Restoration

​”Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.” Isaiah 43:19
​So many days all I could do was hide and weep.  In public, in front of the kids, at the necessary times I could be strong, I could be determined, I could even be fierce. But in the quiet places, in the alone time with just God and my Bible, tears would flow and He would catch them.
 
In control?  I had long given up any notion that I was in control. But God continued to remind me that He was. Trust me. Follow me. I am in control. I will restore your family.
 
And then slowly, heart by heart, one broken piece at a time, God began sifting through the pile of rubble that had at one time been our lives and hopes and dreams, and began piecing back together a family. Broken pieces of our hearts mended together with forgiveness and grace; creating lives that were more beautiful than before, rebuilding a family that became stronger than before.
​"And blessed is she who believed that there would be a fulfillment of what had been spoken to her by the Lord." Luke 1:45

Oh friend, if you are in that moment or in that battle, know and believe that God is there too. He sees you. He loves you. And He is in control. 

​Life may seem out of your control, but nothing is outside of God's control.
Oh Lord, we will praise You in the storm. We will praise You in the chaos. We will praise You in uncertain times. We will praise You in our grief and pain. Though our days are uncertain, though the world around us is in chaos, and our hearts are broken, Lord we will praise You. For You are constant, You are faithful, You are loving and comforting; Yes Lord, although our world is out of control and circumstance and reasoning are beyond our understanding, we know that You are in control.   Father, we ask that you bring special comfort and reassurance to those who find themselves on unsteady ground, those fighting the hard battle and struggling for their next breath. Thank you for always staying with us, for leading us and protecting us and for loving us in ways that we cannot even understand.  May we live in a way to always bring glory to You Lord, help us to love others selflessly, to love sacrificially, and to love others as You do. Praise Your holy name. Amen


Blessings Soul Friends, 
​Today's blog is part of the series #LiveFreeThursday with author and Proverbs 31 speaker Suzanne Eller. Come see what everyone is saying about : out of my control.


Today's blog is part of Compel Blog linkup Challenge
#CompelTip: I used a strong first sentence as a hook and sticky statements.

​Jana Kennedy-Spicer is a blogger, graphic artist, Bible teacher and speaker passionate about inspiring and encouraging women on their daily walk with Christ.
Read Jana's Testimony
6 Scriptures for when Life Seems Out of Control - www.sweettothesoul.com
“'I know that you can do all things; no purpose of yours can be thwarted'"
Job 42:2
 
"The LORD does whatever pleases him, in the heavens and on the earth, in the seas and all their depths"

Psalm 135:6
 
"The LORD works out everything to its proper end—even the wicked for a day of disaster"

Proverbs 16:4
 
"Jesus looked at them and said, 'With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible'

Matthew 19:26
 
“'I am the LORD, the God of all mankind. Is anything too hard for me?'"

Jeremiah 32:27
 
"Nothing in all creation is hidden from God’s sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account"

Hebrews 4:13


Posted in Live Free Thursday    Tagged with control, struggle, Isaiah, Luke, Psalm, Hebrews, Jeremiah, proverbs


18 Comments

Michelle - May 14th, 2015 at 5:38 AM
Jana,
Beautiful, simply beautiful. Thank you for choosing to share your story, even the hard, messy pieces. #livefree
Jana - May 14th, 2015 at 8:11 AM
Thank you Michelle. We all find ourselves in the hard and messy at some point. I think it helps to hear that someone else was there also and they made it through.
Thanks for stopping by #livefree friend. Blessings
Betsy de Cruz - May 14th, 2015 at 5:41 AM
I love that Luke scripture: "Blessed is she who has believed that what the Lord has spoken to her will come to pass." My paraphrase of NIV! God is indeed in control, reigning and ruling over all. Blessings on your day, Jana! #LivefreeThursday
Jana - May 14th, 2015 at 8:13 AM
Some scriptures just wrap around your heart and move right in as soon as you read them. Thank you - always - for your kind words and support. Blessings sweet friend,
Suzie Eller - May 14th, 2015 at 6:40 AM
Jana, thank you for your vulnerability. Today there will be a woman whose family is imploding who will walk away with hope.
Jana - May 14th, 2015 at 8:16 AM
Oh Suzie, I pray that she does! Thank you for your encouragement to #livefree. Blessings,
Crystal Hornback - May 14th, 2015 at 9:16 AM
"Broken pieces of our hearts mended together with forgiveness and grace; creating lives that were more beautiful than before, rebuilding a family that became stronger than before." Just beautiful, Jana! Thank you for being so raw with sharing from hard places. What beautiful freedom you possess! #livefree
Jana - May 14th, 2015 at 10:31 AM
Learning to #livefree Crystal! Thank you for your beautiful encouragement! Blessings
Astrid - May 14th, 2015 at 2:11 PM
I like these couple of sentences: "That uncontrolled moment that occurs in the middle of our big plan. That moment when we inhale from one world and exhale into another."

I have definitely experienced those moments that change everything- it's sobering and perspective changing to have the rug pulled out from under you and realize who is in control. Thanks for sharing your heart on #livefreethursday
Jana - May 14th, 2015 at 2:40 PM
Astrid, it is a sobering moment indeed. I am so thankful that He is with us in those moments. Thanks for coming by today. Blessings
Kim Stewart - May 14th, 2015 at 4:50 PM
Beautiful reminders today, Jana: "In the midst of the storm, God is working. He is healing. He is cleaning. He is protecting. He is loving. He is delivering." So blessed by your words!
Jana - May 14th, 2015 at 8:40 PM
Thank you Kim!
Brenda Ottinger - May 14th, 2015 at 5:24 PM
((Hug))) Beautifully written, Jana.
Thank you for sharing.
Blessings,
~ Brenda Ottinger
http://www.ChasingHoliness.com
Jana - May 14th, 2015 at 8:46 PM
Thank you Brenda, appreciate you coming by. Blessings
Taylor Arthur - May 14th, 2015 at 6:20 PM
Jana, you quoted one of my favorite Bible verses: "Blessed is she who is she who believed that there would be a fulfillment of what had been spoken to her by the Lord." So much of our every day lives clouds the vision we know God has for us, but it's that stubborn belief in what He's promised that keeps us going forward. My life, my marriage, my family, my kids--all have been rubble. I have had so many implosion moments! But he's working it all together for good, isn't he?

I love this. Thanks so much.

In Christ,
Taylor
Jana - May 14th, 2015 at 8:48 PM
Oh yes Taylor, He does work it all for good! Praise God for His provision and goodness. Thank you for coming by today. Blessings
Brandi Bruce - May 15th, 2015 at 9:02 AM
Very encouraging!! God will use your words as healing to others! Loved this. "But in the quiet places, in the alone time with just God and my Bible, tears would flow and He would catch them." What an intimate time with our Father!
Bless you!
Brandi Bruce
www.brandibruce.com
Gayl - May 15th, 2015 at 9:53 AM
I'm so thankful that I am not in control, even though I sometimes act like I want to be. I know God is faithful and He walks with us through the hard times as well as the happy. He loves us so much. I found your post on the fb page for Women Leading Women. Your words are so encouraging and I appreciate your prayer at the end.
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